Hey, It's Jade!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How To Be Alone

I saw this video posted on Girl's Gone Child, and found it pretty interesting.  I think most of us struggle with being alone, even when we're not.

Definitely worth watching...



It's beautiful, intriguing... and very Canadian.  I mean that in the nicest way, I swear!  Anyway, it got me to thinking.  Being alone with yourself is an interesting thing.  I'm not talking about feeling left out or being different, really... I'm talking actually being all by yourself and being OK with it.

My college years were very lonely for me.  I was working a lot at my call center job and I commuted from Fort Worth to Denton every day to attend UNT.  I had my parents and I was surrounded by people in classes, at work, on the roads, but really it was just me for the most part.  That 30+ minute drive every day left a lot of time for me to be alone and think.  That wasn't a big deal, I enjoyed the peace... the time I had to pray, listen to music, daydream.  Because I didn't live on campus, I often found myself with down time between classes.  I explored Denton (a little, always a little nervous to venture too far as I'm horrible about getting lost!), went to eat, to the mall/stores, etc.  I started out getting food and just sitting and eating in my car because I didn't have the nerve to sit at a table by myself.  I eventually worked up the nerve to do just that, but it never felt comfortable.  I always tried to hold my head up high when I was walking around stores or even campus, but I was self-conscious and awkward, completely lacking confidence.  I don't know why either.  I grew up an only child, you'd think being alone would come naturally to me.  I would see other people sitting alone or walking around with such confidence and wished I could be like that!  Why can't I just be alone with me and be OK with it?  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, with just hanging out by myself and making the most of it, it just didn't feel right to be alone.  I mean, didn't God say "it isn't good for man to be alone?" 

As I got older I started thinking about what it was going to be like living on my own.  I never found out!  I went straight from living with my parents to getting married and living with Michael.  I'm not sure how I would have handled it.  Would I have embraced the solitude and eventually enjoyed myself?  Or would I have always felt awkward?  Guess it doesn't matter now... not with a husband and two kids!  I do enjoy the time I get to myself, like right now, when it's quiet and peaceful and I can do what I want (I should be sleeping!) and have "me" time.  But my two boys are safely and sweetly tucked into their beds, so I'm not alone.  And I know it.  It makes a world of difference.

Being alone is hard.  It's not usually fun.  Most people who feel alone don't WANT to be alone.  But it isn't all bad either.  Like the woman says in the video, "Cuz if you're happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay."

1 comment:

Joanne said...

Hmmmm, not sure what you mean by it being very Canadian (except for her accent). Since Canadian = awesome, I will assume that's what you meant.

I thought it was a really cool video, and it resonated with me. Mostly because at heart I am a loner, and I don't mind spending time with "just me". I've done a lot of the things she talks about in the video and used to love eating out by myself.

Thanks for sharing it!