Homeschooling IS Hard!

As a child, I don't really remember ever wanting to be a teacher when I grew up.  If I did, I'm sure it was fleeting... and most likely based on the fact that teachers got to play with school supplies all day.  I mean, who doesn't love school supplies?  But, really, especially as I got older, I had no ambition to be a teacher.

Then, I became a parent.  And, BOOM!, that automatically makes you a teacher, no matter what!  Add on to the fact that Michael and I made the decision, long before kids were in the picture, that we would homeschool our children.  So, DOUBLE BOOM, I'm a definitely a teacher!

And, ya'll, it's hard.  Not that I figured it would be all sunshine and roses all the time... I knew it would be challenging, of course.  But there are days when I question my sanity.  And this is JUST the beginning... Preston is only in Kindergarten.  We have 12 more years of this.  Oh, and uh... there's another one, right?  I gotta start over in a few years AND do two at the same time?  I am a lunatic.  An absolute crazy person.

There are days when I think... ok, well, Preston isn't even supposed to be in Kindergarten yet, so I could throw him in school next year and we can forget all about this.  Act like it never happened.  But then I remember all the reasons why we want to homeschool in the first place.  And those FAR outweigh the bad days.  Most of the time.  This morning, I don't know.

Maybe it was because I spent a lot of time planning this week's Presidential activities, was totally pumped to get started, couldn't wait to show Preston all the fun stuff we were going to be doing over the next few days.  Maybe it was because Preston woke up on the wrong side of the bed, didn't want to do anything, didn't want to try anything, didn't want to hear me, see me, be near me.  Maybe it's 'cause Preston was all "I wanna go back to bed, my tummy hurts, I can't help it, I don't know lower case letters, I don't like this, my eyeball itches, waaaaaaaa!"  Maybe it was because Callen is about to have another tooth pop through and he is a hot mess of hold-me-no-put-me-down-waaa-waaa-waaa!  Maybe it's because I tend to lose my patience when I know that one of my kid is not trying and the other one won't stop crying.  Maybe it's because I NEVER WANTED TO BE A TEACHER!  Or maybe it's because I'm having a nervous breakdown?  Y'know. Maybe.

I know there are going to be days like this.  And I know there are going to be days when everything goes just right.  I know there are days when things are fun.  I know there are days when things are a little more difficult to explain.  Days when I have no patience.  Days when one kid or the other won't cooperate.  Days when I feel like a freakin' GENIUS because I pulled it off.

I have the quick thought of putting Preston in regular school, figuring out a sitter/day care situation for Callen, and going back to work.  Lord knows, financially speaking, I need to be working or bringing in money some how.  It's been nearly a year since I quit, and we've made it (with some assistance), have not missed a single bill payment.  But, this past month we barely squeaked by, and the credit card balance is going up, up, up (it's been at zero all this time, praise Jesus!).  But, we have one car and Michael needs that for his two jobs.  And, anyway, could I really sweet talk one or both of the Grandmas to watch Callen on a regular basis?  Would I really be happy about Preston being in school?  Would I be able to find a job/make enough money to justify it all?  It just doesn't make sense.  I really feel called to be here with my boys, to homeschool them, to be a 'stay-at-home mom.'  So, I know the Lord will provide and it will get figured out.

And I know that I will continue this homeschooling journey with my sons... and we'll figure that out too!  We'll shrug off the bad days, take pride in the good days and just try to make the most of it all - of being together!  So, yes, it's hard.  It's VERY hard.  But it's worth it.  VERY worth it.